Now I don't know if there is any truth to the following statement but I'm clinging to the remote possibility that yeah this is true:
To say my life is and has been chaotic the last couple of days...or has it been weeks now???...would be an understatement.
Life sucks! Period.
Looks like I'm being punished once again as the body is turning against me - not that I can blame it with all of the abuse I did to it to counter what the perps were doing. Trust me after all of the emotional and verbal abuse you too would turn on the body and hate it just as much as they did. And well know the body in turn is hating me back. Well whatever, not much that can be done now...damage has been done over the years and this is mere consequences.
So on top of health issues...lost another friend. Don't even want to talk about it.
Plus more promises made and shattered. Knew it was too good to be true to have someone to lean on and trust. You can't trust anybody. Bottom line and I've learned this lesson before. People will always let you down. They only pretend they care.
And trust me, I for one know all about putting on the show, fake smile and pretending. So you'd think I could spot another faker but was blinded by my stupidity.
God and I aren't on speaking terms.
And on top of it all remembering junk from my past; stuff that I believe should continue to be buried for life but its starting to come back to the surface...totally sucks!
And I'm questioning why didn't I just do it the other week? Sitting there by the lake...I had the opportunity and yet I chickened out. Like yeah I know I'm more than likely sounding like a hypocrite right now as I stated that God had bigger plans in store...sigh...guess you could say I'm a half-glass empty kinda gal.
Told ya, once you start believing in hope and that just maybe things could be looking up and getting better life finds a way to knock ya on your ass and pull the rug out from under neath ya.
Totally sucks!
It's been a crappy several days to say the least.
Guess there is still a sliver of hope as I came across the above quote and just thinking what if...perhaps you could believe it for me? as I'm too exhausted and spent...drained of life...
