life

I hear them say things are different now

and I so want to believe things have changed.

But taking that step...

Believing...

Trusting hope...

Sounds painful.

How do I know this time the risk will pay off???

Sure things appear to have changed

but have they really?

Like long term and not just temporary?

Just so want...

long...

for change.

Two paths before me.

Not sure which road I will chose.

Like last night scared me.

Seeing the ugly beast within.

It's still there waiting to show its ugly face.

And honestly, I really don't want another night like last night.

Saw too much of the old me...scared me...

The anger, rage...

barely controlled it.

What would happen if I let it loose once again?

The thought scares the shit out of me.

Been there, done that.

And I for one really don't want to go down that road again...