Music

Ok, this is outside my love for country music. Some songs that I loved listening to in church.

On Eagles Wings

Be Not Afraid

Here I Am Lord

Like its interesting...loved these songs...kinda lived by them and yet circumstances were contrary to the message sung.

I guess in many ways like this was our manual for life. Like this is how we were to live and go through life. Don't be afraid; if you are you aren't praying enough. Or to the right person. Or there's unconfessed sins.

I'm listening to these as I post them and its like this is what we stood on. This was our foundation...especially in my family in which music played a huge part in our lives. I've heard these songs thousands of times. And its like ok God you are listening to our prayers and wanting to use us and everything and yet my life is so screwed up and nothing is changing. Like no wonder I felt it was always my fault...like I wasn't living up to the standards.

Ok, feeling I'm tripping on my words and saying over and over the same thing...

Like I believed in these songs and I just felt if I tried harder that just maybe God would listen and just maybe he would use me. Maybe in some ways they provided the hope that had me continue to push on even though it/life/freedom always felt just outside my grasp.

Not sure if any of this is making any sense...enjoy the music...